Star Trek: In the Mind of a Wacked Teenager
by The Beauty of Slash
Summary: Picard's a total moron, Deanna is bulimic, Riker needs therapy, and Data's a flaming homo. WARNING: May contain slash later.


Disclaimer: I own nothing. The great and powerful Paramount owns it all.  
  
*We see a tear* Even Data!  
  
~*~  
  
This is my first fic! I've helped my friend Renny (Her pen name) before, but she writes Harry Potter fiction and I'm a huge Trekkie.  
  
In this world no one's the same. They all have the intelligence of mayonnaise! Data also finds a little SATAN in everyone. Sorry about the format. It's just how I type.  
  
Data helps get them out of trouble and into stupid scenes all the while looking for a good screw. So enjoy the senseless crap, and don't kill me for the typos.  
  
~*~  
  
-Again this is a different world. Picard's a moron, Troi's a bulimic, and Data's a flaming Homo.-  
  
We start out side of the ship. The space scene looks oddly like a five-year- old drew it, and the ship is a toy replica. Sounds a bit like TOS. The bridge scene opens up slowly and we take a look at all the old familiar faces.  
  
Caption Picard is picking his nose and making the Ensign, Mary Sue, look at it.  
  
[Mary Sue] Eww! That's so gross. *giggles loudly* How do you get it to be purple?  
  
Commander Riker is stuffing his face with a Hero sandwich. He only eats when he's sad, and he's sad because the most heroic thing he ever did was steer the ship around with a joy stick. The sandwich, which is named Hero, reminds him that he's just a fat LOSER.  
  
[Wesley] Wow! How do you put the whole thing in your mouth?  
  
[Riker] I practice.  
  
[Wesley] One day I hope I can put things that big in my mouth!  
  
[Data] Looks like I lost the bet.  
  
[Riker] Told you the kid hadn't ~discovered~ himself yet.  
  
Deanna is making herself throw up so she can fit in her jumpsuit.  
  
[Random Crew Member] I knew your ~diet~ wasn't that wonderful.  
  
[Deanna] Atkins is a genius! *Vomits loudly*  
  
Worf is in the back wondering why is head looks like a substitute for a cheese grader, and what color he should dye his sash.  
  
[Worf] Petunia Pink or Raspberry Rouge? The pink would go well with my Peachy Pink toenails, but the red would match the blood that will flow from my body once I meet my destiny and fight to the DEATH! Red it is!  
  
Mary Sue is still giggling like a rabid Star Trek fan girl on speed. The only thing in her head is a ball of string and an empty gum wrapper.  
  
[Mary Sue] So that's where I put it! *Reaches up and takes wrapper out* I love the smell of two-year-old gum wrappers in space!  
  
Wesley is pondering either to take over the ship and use all grown ups as his tormented slaves, or trying to see if he can get an M&M to melt in his hand and prove the commercials wrong once and for all.  
  
Being a complete moron he ops for the M&M's and soon starts choking on one.  
  
[Wesley] Someone help me!  
  
[Data] Look the kid's choking. Who's up for a beer?  
  
[All] Me! *Runs off to get drunk*  
  
.:::4 hours later:::.  
  
[Data] He's still choking?  
  
[Wesley] Yes! Help me! *Makes strange gargling sounds*  
  
[Data] Oh well, I know I'm going to regret this.  
  
Data picks Wes up by his feet and violently bangs his body against a wall. Soon a small blue M&M falls out and Wes decides to pick up where he left off.  
  
[Wesley] Gee Golly thanks for all the swell help!  
  
[Data] Do I look like Mr. Rodgers? Go pull that fake innocence somewhere else SATAN! You're going to kill us all! DANGER WILL ROBINSON DANGER!  
  
Data flails his arms around and hits Satan. . . I mean Wesley in the face.  
  
[Data] *Returns to normal* Excuse me. Feeling a little antsy. I'll just go see if me and Will can get some closet time.  
  
[Whole Cast] And now you're back from outer space!  
  
[Data] Shut up you morons! Oh look at the pretty flower! Such a pretty flower! I'll name you BOB!!!  
  
[Wesley] That was the shiznit!  
  
A piano falls from thin air on Wesley, and now this horrendous episode of shit comes to an end!  
  
Thank you, thank you!  
  
-Beauty- 


End file.
